December
31, 2005
"Lenny!", he wrote. Just like that. And I agree.
December 26, 2005
We were under lamb furs and Crown Royal as the dark and
the snow fell. There
was folk singing in my ears. My family extended so that
I saw two giant horses– one
black and one white– carrying all of us in a sleigh.
It was like 1938. Wonderful and,
perhaps, a little pityful.
December 20, 2005
I cannot tame the beast, I changed my mind when I saw
its beak.
It's so big and much too strong.
And I lack what's needed to distract. The innocence that
would calm.
But you didn't tell me I was wrong; then I certainly shouldn't
tell you you are young.
December
16, 2005
22-hour long date with my Peytonian boy which
started with a pile of confused onions
on an apple. Then on to the musical drawings of Van Gogh,
a hard-shell bug between my
teeth (pretending to be a lemon seed), flowing lust and
Sumi ink and finally, spitting hail.
December 11, 2005
"I'm judgmental, rigid, narrow-minded and
controlling."
"Yes, I know."
December 9, 2005
I went to an abstract painting show and met the
sexiest female-to-male trannie
there is.
December 8, 2005
Parting with Frederick is harder than
I had thought.
December
6, 2005
Thou shalt not think about him that buys thy
work.
November
9, 2005
Townes Van Zandt + Margaret Brown
November 6, 2005
Armageddon on Cook St!
I counted, on the sidewalk just in front of my apartment
building, twenty-four rats
lying dead with foam coming out of their mouths.
November 2, 2005
I remember very well the first time I saw The
Devil. He walked in the bar looking
so tall and skinny and cool the time sort of stopped there
for a minute. Everything
got quiet in my head. Such a character he was and at 55
years old, he stood out from
the crowd of good-looking hipsters and I would have chosen
him over any of them to
go home with. The lines in his face were such that I was
instantly hooked (in some ways
I still am). Since that moment, since him, something's
changed. It's hard to explain.
So last night, when the one white-haired man to appear
in the doorway where I was
having a quick night cap alone came straight up to me,
a little bell rang in my head.
He did not disappoint me, we had a wonderful time.
October, 30, 2005
You ain't no punk you punk.
Now tell me, have I left your mind?
October 21, 2005
In one subway car, there was a pair of albino
twins, a blind latino woman, an
elderly midget and a youngster with a twitch. I don't
believe they knew each other.
October 18, 2005
My hands go numb after I eat. Sometimes.
October 15, 2005
"Andy Warhol said that you should show the
worst side of yourself on the first date
so that he knows what he's getting into.", she tells
me. I find humorous that Warhol
should be quoted on relationship advice, don't you?
October
14, 2005
My, but he chose my forehead over my lips...
September 21-27, 2005
Californian Car Crash. Chocolate covered trees.
Tar Pits. Night Crawler and TikiTiki.
September
18, 2005
Molly and Gabe's wedding in Rhode Island. I played
with the wildest waves until a set
of evil twins spat me right out of the sea. Later on at
dinner, the man sitting next to me
wore a white tie with golden letters reading I Love
Jesus.
September
5, 2005
When Vincent Van Gogh started to paint, he wrote
to his brother: "I no longer
stand helplessly in front of Nature."
September 3, 2005
4 hours– that's all it took for the boy
to fall. Could I have laughed?
August 19, 2005
"The ability to swallow a lie is an important
relationship skill."(Dan Savage)
I find this to be the most intelligent, yet shocking,
quote I have come across
in a while.
Maybe I've been misguided in my quest for truth. Or perhaps
it's the digging
that's unnecessary (it certainly is exhausting). It's
the masochist in me who
refuses the peacefulness ignorance offers. I must be humble
and resign for the
truth is not to be possessed.
But my own dreams betray me, the knots in my stomach get
tighter and my
head is constantly pounding. I can't help but wanting
to know.
August 15, 2005
I was back on the streets of Greenpoint tonight,
wandering from bar to bar
like I used to do. That hurts.
August 14, 2005
I was hoping to be wrong but I was not–
my little love story started in a flash
but ended so fast it's like I made it up. Perhaps I did.
August 13, 2005
The other's body is made available for you to
travel upon– physically, emotionally,
intellectually, spiritually. He is lying there, beside
you, and you walk right in, opening
doors to see what's behind. And it's endless in its complexity
and beauty.
And you are thirsty for discovery. So you roam and you
run, you seek and you hide.
The walls are thick, the corridors long. And to your amazement
(although you were
quite aware of this), there's more than four dark corners
in one room.
August 12, 2005
It's fear that's the enemy, not me.
August 7, 2005
My head was resting on his chest when his tiny
body tensed up and convulsed. "It was a
science experiment", he said. "We were observing
a giant space stingray trapped in a
cocoon and its parasite cylindrical spider jack-hammering
holes through its skin. The bug
freaked out and banged its head against the cocoon walls
to finally rip through it and rush
towards us. Fuck."
July 26, 2005
"Le ciel est blanc aujourd'hui."
"Oui mais les nuages sont noir."
July 20, 2005
KAMPALA, Uganda (Reuters) -- A Ugandan member
of parliament has pledged
to reward girls for their chastity by paying their university
fees if they are virgins
when they leave school. The offer
was not extended to young men.
July
17, 2005
Brooklyn mist. The boy is lit by fireflies–
is this love?
June 26, 2005
First: Greenwood cemetery
Second: Greasy burgers at outdoor karaoke joint
Third: Cyclone
Fourth: The sea at night.
June 18, 2005
3 dates in 3 days. 1 boy.
June 15, 2005
I hugged my old roommate David and all my tattoos
disappeared. What a bizarre dream.
June 9, 2005
The last time I crossed the ocean was 9 years
ago to meet my then love in
Amsterdam for Valentine Day and then move to Prague where
we stayed very
much strangers to the city for three months.
This time I went to Berlin unprepared and relied
on my friends too much. I did
not know one word of German, had not heard of places I
wanted to go to and
possessed no map. The weather was funky– going through
3 seasons a day–
but the company lovely. I met one German, Flo, a sweet
punk rocker in love
with my friend Nathalie who is opening the first Ramones
museum in a space
that looks exactly like what their music sounds like.
May 12, 2005
My first visit to the Met (I know, I know...).
I went alone with my Ipod and went straight
to Diane Arbus' retrospective. As I stood in front of
her Identical Twins, the one I drew
last year, Iggy Pop's Isolation played in my
ears (randomly chosen out of 2500 songs)
which is exactly the song that was repeatedly playing
while I worked on the drawing–
it's even named after it...
It is now confirmed, Vuillard is my favorite painter.
I want to own the little green one
from the Lehman collection so bad it hurts. And I must
say: Pollock had me so blown
away by the energy exuding from his piece that I had to
sit down.
May 8 , 2005
I called my mother to wish her Happy Mother's
Day. She said: "I guess I can't wish you
the same like I did with your two sisters."
May 2, 2005
This week's discovery: Peter Doig. He makes me
want to play.
April 22, 2005
Is True Love only true if shared?
Dinner #2
Cauliflower-parsnip puree soup with beef stock and
sage- roasted parsnips bit garnish
Rabbit in red wine sauce- polenta sandwich with fontinella
and sage
Watercress salad with orange candied cashews and grilled
pears- orange vinaigrette
reduction dressing
Poached pears with clove and vanilla in whiskey with vanilla
ice cream
Wine of course and this time Wild Turkey.
April 20, 2005
Some see Virgin Mary in underpass stain.
April 19, 2005
There's puss blisters in my nostrils and blades
in my throat. I'm sick.
April 15, 2005
Dinner #1
A thin pea soup made with a brown beef stock served over
a crustini with percorino
and parsley and roasted leek sticks.
Broiled steaks seasoned with thyme served over a thin
puree of potatoes and turnips
with steamed kalorabi and carrots in beer, parsley and
butter.
Cheese and a salad of fennel and sour apples with lemon
and olive oil.
Barrels of wine. Bison grass vodka.
April 14, 2005
I do not ask why she's looking at me but what
does she sees? But I am left to
wonder for she does not speak and never will.
April
10, 2005
I thought I was indifferent but then I found
"O Canada" on his IPod...
April 8, 2005
I believe the cats are stealing my dreams, could
it be so? Since moving into
the firehouse–my home for the summer– I don't
remember any of them and
that's so unusual it's like I've been cruelly separated
from my other half.
April 2, 2005
There was a black cloud hanging directly above
my head all day long.
Catherine saw it.
March 31, 2005
I was seduced by a little Indian Prince last
night. He trembled as I kissed him
and smiled when I woke him up. God he was beautiful...
February 28, 2005
Interview with Henry Miller in The Paris Review (#28-
1962):
"What did you find in Paris in the thirties that
you couldn't find in America?"
"For one thing, I suppose I found a freedom such
as I never knew in America. I found
contact with people so much easier–that is, the
people that I enjoyed talking to. I met
more of my own kind there. Above all I felt that I was
tolerated. I didn't ask to be
understood or accepted. To be tolerated was enough. In
America I never felt that. But then,
Europe was a new world to me. I suppose it might have
been good almost anywhere–just
to be in some other, different world, an alien. Because
all my life, really, and this is part of my
psychological–what shall I say?–strangeness:
I've liked only what is alien."
February 26, 2005
I would consider suicide if only I was certain it would
solve my problem. I'm not.
February
12, 2005
"Go back to Greenpoint!", a man screams in a
scene from On The Waterfront.
As I prepare to do just that, one regret fills up my thoughts:
I did not take the time to read
any of the marvelous books that were offered to me here.
One month is just not enough...
February 11, 2005
Dinner at the Story Store where they would serve you Fried
Jackalopes on a Stick if only
you'd ask. It's our last night out and after stuffing
ourselves like pigs, we had the brilliant
idea to stop at a place called The Wagon Box Inn for a
drink. The name itself was enough
to give me shivers but when I saw the kind of cars parked
in the lot, I warned my people
against it. They dared me. So we walked in only to find
a herd of men screaming "GERLS!!!"
as we appeared in the doorway. Then they laughed their
evil laugh and we went back to our
car, pretending not to be thirsty after all. When we got
home, everybody quietly disappeared
to their respective rooms.
February 4, 2005
Little Nellie lives with five dogs and one cat in a big
house made of many small ones.
On a wall, at the end of a banquet table where I just
had food, there's an enormous painting
of her naked, legs spread wide open. In front of it, a
giant abstract portrait of her son,
which he had declined to possess and who could blame him?
As I wandered infinitely from
room to room, I listened to her unveil 70 years of love
stories. There's a piece of art to prove
each one. My favorite was the one painting of her at 45
done by a lover half her age to
whom she had promised fame and probably fortune too. It's
when she proudly showed off
a piece taken from the burnt house of her ex-husband's
mistress that I thought best to leave.
February
3, 2005
I saw a dog eat a deer. Then I saw a mushed up porcupine–
needles and gut entwined.
I smelled sage and stole a bone. I also poked my camera
in rattlesnake holes and hoped
they would wake up when I fired the flash.
And I kept going up, even though my feet were made of
clay. I didn't know this but
tonight I will dream that I can fly.
February 2, 2005
There was a trail of dust in the sky tonight. I was then
told, me the city girl, of The Milky
Way. I had never seen the sky like that. The brightest
star of all wasn't a star at all but a
planet of the name Venus. She showed me Orion, lover of
Eos, with its right foot 33 times
bigger than our sun. Then she said: "If you stare
at the sky without blinking, you will see a
shooting star every 8 minutes."
January
30, 2005
Last night we went out to the nearest town, Sheridan,
for a drink at The Mint Bar where
I saw my first American Cowboys. Not being blessed with
any of the feminine qualities
required to be attractive in these parts of the country,
I was left alone until a very drunk
old rancher with a full head of white hair drooled in
my neck as I bent over the pool table.
His wife carried a riffle in her jacket I'm sure so I
hid behind J., who stood as straight
as he possibly could.
January
29, 2005
This is so surreal. AND wonderful. I'm getting paid to
make art during the day and drink
wine at night. What a Charlatan I am!
January
27, 2005
Wyoming Waif
Wyoming Warrior
Wyoming Wench
Wyoming Whore
Wyoming Widow
Wyoming Witch
Wyoming Wizard
Wyoming Wraith
Wyoming Wrangler
Wyoming Wunderkind
January
26, 2005
The Mold Artist is using tomato sauce as his medium. His
studio is next to mine. I will
never eat spaghetti again.
January 23, 2005
It's another gorgeous day out. Who would have thought
Wyoming could be so warm?
It's been 55 degrees every day this week. My daily walk
up the cell phone hill is
absolutely stunning with burnt orange and dry green in
an arrangement unfamiliar to me.
And when I talk to cows, they respond.
January 22, 2005
Allow me to say this out loud: I hate Cranium!
January 21, 2005
I woke up in the middle of the night with tears flowing
down my cheeks. I knew then that
I had made up my mind– it's time for me to close
down GV/AS.
January 16, 2005
Jentel is a hundred times more impressive than I had imagined.
Everything has been
thought of. It's the ongoing joke in the house to think
of something that might be missing
only to be proven wrong within minutes.
I can't help but thinking that we're being taped for a
reality TV show. Six strangers–
4 visual artists and 2 writers–living in one house
for a month in the middle of nowhere!
In the first episode, M. finds out that the body of her
good friend was just recovered
from the Utah avalanches. Stay tuned.
January
15, 2005
Off to Wyoming where, if everything goes according to
plan, I will be drawing all
day and everyday for one month. A gift like that comes
at a price–I almost paid it with
my life as the 20 seater I had to fly from Denver to Sheridan
hit turbulence. JESUS!!!!
January 1, 2005
New Year resolution: live more/ work less.
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